physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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