Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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