hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
