I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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