I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
