He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I deserve this hangover.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
