with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
