Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
