I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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