I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
