I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
