God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
