i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
