meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
