It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
