we're blogging at a bar
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
