'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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