I think im going to throw up on grandma
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i think my cat just said my name.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
