I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
