I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
