So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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