just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
