I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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