the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
