she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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