I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
