Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
