I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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