Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
