I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
