bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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