just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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