You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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