Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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