I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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