I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
