Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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