he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
