I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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