matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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