i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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