I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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