Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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