he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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