i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
