Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
