wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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