he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I love having hate sex.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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