Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
