I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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