Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
