Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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