I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
