worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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