So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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