He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
