how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is my gift to your gina
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
