I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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