tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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