Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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