apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My dick has a subreddit
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
