I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
