How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
