i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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