oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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