Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
