im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
