So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
