the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pappa wants mamma naked
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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