I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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