just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
