FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
