new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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