so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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