You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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